


Where the Sidewalk Ends

by paydentaylor



Category: K-On!
Genre: Break Up, Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Post-Canon, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 06:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11503875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paydentaylor/pseuds/paydentaylor
Summary: A brief excerpt from a longer fic I'm writing. Yui and Azusa can't help falling in love, but can they help falling out of it?Lots of angst, sad ending, harsh words exchanged. Takes place a year after K-on! High School and College.





	Where the Sidewalk Ends

College had been rough for Azusa. She had forgone JWU—where most of her friends were—for her dream college, a musical institute famous for its jazz studies program and its unorthodox inclusion of rock and pops classes. When Azusa had received her acceptance notice, she was filled with joy and excitement: she would be in northwest Kawasaki, only about an hour from Yui and the rest, and a place that would propel her guitar skills to new heights—and propel her it did. The combination of high stakes and expectations, excellent teachers and upperclassmen, and Azusa’s own anxiety from entering a school where so many other students could play drastically better than her made for a grueling atmosphere, but also one in which Azusa’s musical abilities flourished. She made a few friends at college, but mainly relied on her old friends from Sakuragaoka High.  


This was especially true when it came to Yui. After the original four members of HTT graduated, Yui had become Azusa’s foremost solace, counsel, and support in times of uncertainty. With her help, Azusa had taken what was, in all honesty, a dire situation with Wakaba Girls and turned it around for the light music club over the course of one school year. She had recruited Ui and Jun for the year, and eventually Nao and Sumire, but at the beginning of the year, it hadn’t felt like much. Truthfully speaking, the thought of making a band out of one veteran guitarist, one converted jazz bassist, and three complete novices had terrified Azusa; however, by the end of it all, every one of them had grown into a powerful musician in her own right, and Azusa couldn’t help but feel Yui’s guiding hand all the way from Tokyo. Azusa had taken on the task of becoming the band’s vocalist, giving her a newfound respect for Yui’s unflinching proficiency in the role as well as driving her to seek Yui’s advice and reassurance during the long, hard days of vocal practice. She also saw Yui as the impetus behind Ui’s positively prodigious guitar development, an incalculable boon to the band for a host of reasons. And then, without measure was the effect Yui’s simple, reliable, comforting presence over the phone. While Azusa often ribbed Yui about texting her instead of studying, she could scarcely count the number of times she had felt the world crashing down around her and had reached for her phone, knowing Yui would know exactly what to say to make it better. Perhaps her memory had been rose-tinted by her own burgeoning, confused feelings for Yui that had developed in the absence of the beloved upperclassman and her perpetual shower of affections, but as she entered college Azusa felt more grateful to Yui than ever.  


And so, in her times of distress and anxiety under the sudden heavy yoke of college, Azusa reached for her lifelines from high school. While Yui certainly was her dearest connection, she kept Mio, Ritsu, and Mugi close as well: Mio was a much warmer second opinion than Azusa’s upperclassmen in Kawasaki, and always had a resource or suggestion for her if she needed help on musical technique or guitar issues; Ritsu gave Azusa a source of wry-wit hilarity and confident, caring pragmatism, and helped talk her out of headspaces few others could; Mugi’s extensive classical training was incredibly helpful in Azusa’s theory and history classes, and stories of a Kotobuki accommodating to a commoner life never failed to bring a smile to her face. It also provided Azusa a chance to give back to her friends, being a compassionate outlet for Mugi to gauge her attempts at a more modest life. Especially in her freshman year, filled with long days and nights studying and practicing, Azusa didn’t mind being mainly close with her old bandmates. To her, there was little obligation to expend time socializing at school when it could be spent surpassing her classmates. Besides the small group of students who also kept late hours practicing, Azusa had few close friends at school. She was, to be perfectly honest, a recluse. However, for all her quirks and solitary behavior, Azusa made it through freshman year and returned home where she knew she would see her friends—and where she had made it a point to see Yui.  


And Azusa’s growing warmth towards her had not gone unnoticed by Yui. Where once her usual antics and displays of affection had been half-jokingly rebuffed, Yui now found Azusa accepting her bubbliness, and in her own, awkward way even reciprocating at times. When they met back up for a day out shopping in December, it was Azusa who ran up to Yui and delivered a reckless hug as opposed to the usual other way around. For the whole afternoon, Azusa was the one who reached for the crook of Yui’s arm as they walked, or grabbed Yui by the hand to drag her into a store. _Come to think of it,_ Yui realized, _it was Azusa who suggested first that they hang out in the first place._  


All day, Yui paid close attention as Azusa gave her treatment that felt close to pampering compared to the front she was used to getting from her beloved junior. It felt amazing, finally receiving that doting affection in return, but she could not figure out what had brought it on. Had Azusa changed? Had _she_ herself changed? Yui was caught in a vortex oscillating between rapturous joy and suspicious hesitance in her own mind, all the while struggling to ensure her conflicting thoughts did not spill over and wreck what was turning out to be a wonderful day. The crisp, winter air was tame and gently refreshing from behind their scarves, and a brief, sporadic turns inside their coat pockets were enough to keep their hands warm without the aid of mittens. Yui had picked out some cute clothes from a clearance sale, Azusa had bought a couple pulpy novels to read over the break, and they both spent far too long browsing the music store and playing around on the display instruments. By the time they pried themselves away from the guitars, the sun was hanging low in the sky, and they decided to grab a quick dinner before heading home.  


On their way, Yui struck up the conversation. “I know you must be run ragged at school, but we simply must find a time to get together and jam over break, I have to trade eights with conservatory-level Azu-nyan.”  


“Oh, I couldn’t agree more,” Azusa laughed. “I’d love to hear how you guys all sound together. From what I’ve heard from the others, your light music club over there is stacked, and even as a spectator I can’t deny that your friendly rivalry with Miss Wada’s band is totally awesome. I bet you guys are head and shoulders above where you were in high school. Competition like that does wonders.”  


“Yeah, Akira and the girls make JWU a really fun place to be. With being away from you and Ui and Nodoka as well as having to work so hard now that I’m in college…I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have the light music club up there.”  


They had arrived at a food stand by shopping center, and Yui finished her statement right before going up to place her order, leaving Azusa alone with her thoughts for a weird moment. She couldn’t help be feel a little…jealous, possibly?...at Yui’s statement about Girls Only and the light music club at JWU. Azusa had spent a whole year in Kawasaki, but she didn’t have anything near what Yui had always talked about at college. She had only a handful of friends, and even then, they couldn’t hold a candle to her friends back here. But the way Yui talked about Girls Only—about Akira—Azusa felt the disparity between them. Azusa would take HTT over her friends at school any day, and though Yui’s love and affection for her was obvious, Azusa could tell she also missed her friends at JWU. On top of it all, Azusa had heard numerous stories featuring Akira—the new, edgy, cool, next door neighbor; the one who woke up Yui with a roll of the eyes every morning—and couldn’t help somedays but feel, well, replaced.  


Azusa robotically placed her order, her mind elsewhere. She took the food and pulled herself out of her stupor. _This was a good day. This was going to be a good day. Nothing could take this day away from her and Yui. This was their good day._  


She joined Yui at a nearby bench. Yui had already scarfed down half of her meal by the time Azusa arrived. With stuffed cheeks and a still-full mouth, Yui pantomimed excitedly for her to join, a sight which Azusa could not help but laugh at. She quickly finished her own meal and soon the two were headed home.  
The conversation was pleasant as they walked and the scenery even more so, with the winter sunset casting long, warm shadows through the trees. Eventually, though, they reached the intersection where they would normally have to part ways. Yui felt a strange melancholy, standing on the street corner. It seemed so mundane, so trite an ending for such a wonderful day together. _Oh well,_ Yui thought to herself, _it’s a day like any other, what was I expecting honestly?_ She turned with a smile to Azusa, beginning to say, “Well, thanks for hanging out with me today—“  


“Actually, Yui, would you mind walking home with me?” Azusa interrupted. Yui was taken aback for a moment, before silently offering Azusa the crook of her arm and continuing down the other way to Azusa’s home.  


The entire rest of the walk, it was as if Azusa’s grip tightened with every step they took closer to her neighborhood. _The sun_ has _gone down,_ Yui surmised, _and it_ is _getting colder. Perhaps she’s just chilly. Or perhaps she’s spooked about walking home after dark, even though it really isn’t all that late._  
However, the remainder of the trip home was short, and before long the girls were saying goodbye in front of Azusa’s house. Azusa had grown incredibly fidgety and visibly nervous, but when Yui tried to ask her about it, she would frantically attempt to reassure her otherwise.  


Finally, with a small, shaky voice, Azusa turned to Yui. “Th-thank you for today Yui. I had a, um, a really good time and I—I hope, I…I…”  


Azusa suddenly reached for Yui’s sides and pulled her close by means of her jacket, simultaneously lifting up on her own toes. Before either of them truly realized, Azusa had placed her lips on Yui’s in a quick, delicate kiss. Just as quickly, Azusa let go and stepped back. With the last of her confidence and courage spent, she sheepishly bolted into the house without even finishing her thought.  


She raced up to her room and slammed the door shut, instantly plagued by intrusive second thoughts, berating her for the stupidity and rashness of what she had just done. Anxious second guesses turned into panicked hyperventilating. Hot, heavy tears welled in Azusa’s eyes. _I can’t believe it!_ She screamed internally, _I can’t believe I ruined today! Today was perfect and then I got selfish and greedy and it was just too much Azusa! I can’t…_  


Her phone rattled angrily on her desk. Azusa, fumbling, picked up her phone to check who was calling.  


It was Yui.  


Azusa’s brain was firing every alarm it had. She wished she could run and hide, run and never stop running. While her mind was still spinning, her hand moved on its own, out of habit. Suddenly the phone was to her ear, and she was answering the call. “Yui, I…”  
“Azusa.”  


_She called me Azusa she always calls me Azu-nyan she never uses my actual name anymore she’s pissed at me she must be pissed I pissed her off I…_  
“Would you mind,” Yui continued, herself sounding very nervous, “If I called today our first date?”  
The words dropped on Azusa like a torrent upon a forest fire. The frenzy of paranoia ceased. Azusa took a long breath, centered herself, and calmly replied, “Absolutely, Yui.”  


“Good. I can’t wait for our next one!” Yui said succinctly and joyfully before hanging up. Even with the call over, Azusa could practically hear Yui skipping across her house to tell Ui the good news. Emotionally exhausted, Azusa groaned in relief and immediately crawled into bed.

However, not even a year later, Azusa would be regarding that kiss as the worst mistake she ever made.

At the time, though, it was marvelous. For Yui and Azusa, the next few months had been absolute bliss. Over the winter break, their mutual wish for an HTT reunion jam was fulfilled several times over. Azusa did, indeed, get to see what two years of growth had done for her friends. In all honesty, though Yui, Ritsu, Mio, and Mugi gawked over Azusa’s comparatively insane solos, she was probably as astounding with them as they were with her. In high school, they had been a cantankerous mish-mash of personalities that sounded decent together, but never truly blended. Now, however, Azusa could feel the group as a unit. All their personal quirks remained, but Azusa no longer dreaded the possibility of the band falling apart if someone missed a beat. Whether because they had all improved individually or because they had practiced as a band astronomically compared to two years ago, the girls seemed to know each other’s moves before they even made them. Even on pop tunes and—to her absolute amazement—some jazz standards and rock classics, pieces they had never practiced and were merely picking along from common knowledge or someone’s instruction, Azusa found that Ho-kago Tea Time’s sense of rhythm was nearly unshakeable. Despite the fact that they were all her seniors, Azusa could not help but feel like a proud mother.  


The time Azusa spent with her old bandmates also went a long way to validate her young relationship with Yui. The whole group was planning on meeting up together at Mio’s for the first time that break, about five days after Azusa’s and Yui’s day out. When the two girls showed up holding hands, they were beset upon by the others in an excited flurry. Mugi, in particular, was euphoric, nearly bowling the young couple over in a bear hug when they delivered the news. The group spent the whole afternoon fawning over them, asking them to recount the day of the kiss and the moments leading up to it, to backtrack and tell them when they first realized their feelings for each other. Ritsu donned a wry tone and waxed philosophic the ways that young love would propel both HTT’s and Azusa’s guitar skills to new heights; Mio clocked her in the back of the head once she began quoting Ise, to which everyone responded with raucous laughter. Azusa looked around the room. She was surrounded by the friends she loved again and sat hand-in-hand with her most beloved senior of the group. _Yui Hirasawa, my girlfriend,_ Azusa thought, warmed by the mere truth of the words. It was a warmth that would carry her all the way through winter and into the next school term.  


Spoiled by the idyllic days and romantic nights of winter vacation, though, the spring semester came like a lion upon Azusa and Yui both. Azusa returned to her punishing schedule, even more demanding now than before; her hard work last year had paid off, and she had auditioned into a couple top project groups as a second-year. It was an impressive feat, but it came with the warning that a slip in performance may lead to being replaced, a stain she could not afford to have on her reputation. Yui was entering her third year, and with it the most rigorous academic schedule she would face. As an education student, her fourth year would focus mostly on practical application situations. Because of this, Yui faced an overwhelming number of her highest level courses this year, as a third-year. In addition to the enhanced workload on them both, Azusa also found herself under the duress of reconciling her blunt, dismissive personality with her concept of how she should treat Yui now that they were more than friends. Phrases and tones of voice that she would have spouted off to Yui as a joke without a second thought now felt cold and callous since they were being sent to a girlfriend, not just a friend. In the past, she could be coy, play hard to get, and rebuff advances guiltlessly, but now that she had begun a relationship, such cool behavior felt rude, as if she wasn’t holding up her end of the bargain. Of course, Yui didn’t see it that way. She had fallen in love with an Azusa who rolled her eyes and had to be tackled for a hug, and to expect Azusa to change now would be foolish. Yui, in typical Hirasawa fashion, simply wanted Azusa to smile.  


However, with the backbreaking mountain of work, distance, and anxiety over her sociability, a smile was something Azusa rarely managed as spring turned into summer, and a concerning cycle began to develop. Azusa would grow more and more emotionally and mentally encumbered, which made her more and more despondent. She would hole up for days at a time in a single practice room, trying to play away the stress. Yui then, worried and wanting to make her girlfriend happy, would press more and more to try and make Azusa feel better, despite the fact that, deep down, they only added to Azusa’s stressors. Eventually, Yui’s well-meaning advances would break Azusa’s dissociation and she would snap, most of the time letting out one- or two-sentence jabs that bypassed any filter Azusa had, forged from deep within Azusa’s own insecurities. They typically manifested as condemnations of Yui’s apparent lack of commitment to her education and would stop her in her tracks. Because for Yui, she was putting her maximum effort into her studies; however, she saw her girlfriend, the person she had promised to prioritize, in pain, and so spent every moment she could trying to assuage Azusa’s mood. Yui could stomach rebuttal and rebuff, she could handle being called lazy and carefree. Azusa’s outbursts, though, hit a chink in her armor. Azusa was her most trusted, favorite person, and it felt to Yui like she was insulting her for attempting to give time and show compassion towards her own girlfriend. And Yui knew these words came from a place of distress, but she also wondered how much of a kernel of truth was embedded in Azusa’s cutting phrases.  


Of course, the moment the words left Azusa’s lips, she was nothing but repentant. She would spend the next week giving Yui all the love she could to try and make up for rash behavior. She would take trips to JWU and make time for dates, and the guilt would be briefly replaced by joy and bliss. But all this came at the cost of Azusa’s own time, which compounded the stress of school. Once the momentary ecstasy wore off, she found herself, once again, growing more and more stressed and unresponsive.  
This cycle repeated several times through June and July, and each time, the joyful parts of Yui’s and Azusa’s relationship felt increasingly cracked—never shattering, but cracked. By the last week of the spring term, in the heat of July, a coldness had grown between them. Yui’s effervescent fountain of affection now only fired in safe, measured bursts. Azusa grew lonely and sad, but the guilt she felt at the thought of asking for Yui’s love after having repulsed it time and time again kept her from reaching out for help. She had never felt more alone.  


Their first day together of the summer break was a tragic reflection of that serendipitous December day they had called their first date. They went together to the market, hoping memories of shopping would re-ignite a dwindling fire. They hardly talked the whole time. At dinner they sat, silently, both longing for the joy they felt here half a year ago. Azusa remembered the thoughts that had gone through her mind about how Yui had such a wide group of friends compared to her. Now she felt as if she didn’t even have Yui.  


The deafening quiet persisted even as they began walking back home. Then, on the street corner where Azusa had asked her to walk her the rest of the way, Yui now took initiative. “Azu-nyan,” she began, her voice hesitant and careful. “You should come back with me to my house. We can relax and have a little dessert with Ui, and she can chat and help break this horrid atmosphere, and we can think about all the beautiful things summer vacation has in store for us.” Yui forced a smile. It felt heavier than anything she had ever lifted. “It’s been a rough term. You deserve to think about the good things.”  


Azusa stood, frozen. Her glazed eyes couldn’t even meet Yui’s. After a long time, she spoke. “Yui. I think our time together is up.”  


The words were robotic and pronounced emotionlessly, but every syllable seemed to crash against the summer air like a hammer against glass. For a moment, Yui couldn’t move. She was stuck, unable to process what she had just heard. Suddenly the gears clicked into place. “Wait, no. No, no, no Azusa please, you don’t need to do this. Azusa, we have the whole summer to relax and recuperate, we can talk through what worked and what didn’t, we can still be together!”  


Azusa remained silent.  


“Please, Azu-nyan please.” Hot, thick tears welled up in Yui’s eyes. She grabbed Azusa’s hands and held them against her chest, imploringly. They were limp and lifeless, like dead weight. “I know how hard school has been for you but you don’t need to cut more people out. I don’t want you to be stuck alone in a practice room all day, you shouldn’t be so withdrawn…”  


Suddenly Azusa wrenched her hand away from Yui. She finally looked up and made eye contact; her gaze was filled with cold bitterness and pain. “No, Yui. You shouldn’t be so frivolous. I’m fine, I’m doing even better than I had hoped in school, and it’s because I’ve worked. What have you done? Gotten drool on a notebook? Here you go again, constantly doting on me in your saccharine tone. How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t need fixing! Certainly not from you.”  


Yui had heard this speech plenty of times, but tonight they stung like never before. She had hoped and thought that the summer would invite a carefree Azusa home. She wasn’t prepared to be verbally skewered, and during the first week of summer no less. The flurry of words cast a shadow over the love in Yui’s heart. Looking into Azusa’s eyes, it was as if her thoughts of compassion and care were still audible, but swiftly being drowned out by a new thought: get away.  


Then Azusa twisted the knife. “I’ve outgrown you, Yui. I’m leaving.”  


With that, Azusa turned and walked down the street towards her house, alone. Yui remained standing on the street corner, her heart in shambles. When she came to, she ran the rest of the way home, leaving a trail of sparkling tears fluttering behind her.  


As soon as Azusa stepped into her room, the façade broke. Within a moment, her coldness had fractured into inconsolable hysterics. She all but fell against her door and slid down into a fetal position. Her uneven sobs poured out of her like billowing smoke from a volcano. Everything Yui had said was right. Everything she had said was a farce. But she simply could not continue on like this, racked with guilt at every turn for the mountain of errors she had compiled. _I just, I just need to get out of this,_ the thought had haunted her for months now. _I just need to get out and let the wounds heal and try again later when we’ve both grown some._ However, Azusa had seen the hurt on Yui’s face. She had done something that would take a long, long time to forgive. And she knew it.

**Author's Note:**

> This snippet will hopefully be an establishing flashback in a future years-later fic. My first attempt at fic writing, so any and all criticism/feedback/suggestions/comments are welcome. Thanks!


End file.
